If I could find a way to give my 5 years ago self a moment from this year, a way to say, ‘Look what’s coming, just hang on,’ well, I’d give myself this one.
I’d give myself the simple, pure, easy moments of today, over and over again.
I’d give myself this long wooden table, with the vase of dying peonies.
I’d give myself the jazz song playing in the background and I’d tell myself how to quiet all my thoughts so the music can step out and surround.
I would give myself the frost and the chill, colder than I was expecting and I would wrap up in my big yellow scarf and walk these streets again and again.
I’d keep this big blue mug filled to the top with little popping milk bubbles.
I’d remember the smell of cinnamon and cloves and I would hang onto that and every time I would inhale spice I would let myself go back to this moment. This easy, New Years afternoon on a nameless Washington DC street.
I want to remember the way I brought myself here. The way I fought and swore and cried. I want to let myself come back to the feeling of working hard, of earning and deserving.
I want to hang onto the grace I have learned and given and received, time and time again this year.
The grace that says, “At the end of the day, it’s all okay anyway.”
2017 has come to an end. It’s been the longest 365 days I’ve lived.
And now I’m sitting in a cafe in a country that’s not my own, but is one where I have roots.
I’m alive here and I did it and it was hard but I’m going to keep doing it now, okay?
Hello New Year.
— Love, Me.